I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My liver just had a heart attack.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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