i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
