The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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