the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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