Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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