How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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