he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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