I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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