there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
