im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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