Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
