bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
