I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
