Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
