he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
