Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Life without a bra equals bliss.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize