you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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