please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
