Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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