Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize