Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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