yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
