How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
