My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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