Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my liver is dry heaving
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
