She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
