Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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