I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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