ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
