also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
