Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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