I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
