weddingsv make me drug and hornr
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
