Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
