If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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