Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
