Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
