I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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