drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
