do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
