Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
