nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
