If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize