I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
