Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
