At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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