I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
