It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
