umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
