I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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