All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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