Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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