i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
