Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
