I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
