do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
