I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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