she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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