Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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