Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
