we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
