Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
