This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
