he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
