U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
