Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize