I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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