I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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